(A commercial sometime in the not-too-distant future)

Are you tired of technology? Of apps and programs that keep changing on you? Devices that are designed to become obsolete and infuriatingly expensive and difficult to use? Do you long for simpler times and tools you can understand and operate easily? Cars you don’t need a degree to start? Phones that don’t talk back? Televisions that are “stupid,” yet deviously get you up out of your chair to change channels without a guilt trip?

Well, now you can recapture some of that nostalgia with the Quark. Stunningly beautiful, and simple to use, the Quark is a timepiece that comes in an array of custom face colors, number types, and case styles, which can be set on a desk or mantle, or mounted on a wall. No need to worry about programming, plugging in, recharging, or changing batteries, these exquisite marvels do not require attention, juice, or maintenance to run. In fact, they do not run. At all. They stay at exactly the same time, every second, every minute, every hour of every day, because they have no guts.

That’s right. You can shake the Quark, throw it against a wall, out a window, or drop it in the bathtub, and nothing will happen. The clock will show the same time as flawlessly as it did when you unwrapped it

Think about it. The days of setting and resetting clocks for daylight and standard times can be over. No more relying on GPS or WiFi for accuracy. No more wondering whether your clocks are gaining or losing time. Twice a day, the Quark will display the correct time without fail, without deviation, to the nanosecond, no matter what time zone you’re in, no matter what time of year it is. For life.

So, pitch your annoying, complicated, and untrustworthy clocks today and order a Quark, the only clock that can deliver on its promises. We guarantee it.

Operators are standing by. Prices available on request.

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